Afterliving (Simon. And Merlin. And Me)

Now I can only know you at all from the depth of the grief
of your dog. Loss is not something
we can ever run simply away from
with the speed ⸺ full pelt ⸺ of our legs,
yet what is a dog ⸺ newly orphaned ⸺ to do
but try. And try. And try. Otherwise,
stranded where standstill is the only possible option,
pain is forever,
never stopping to catch its breath.
From my long remote view, I think you could say
any of us would be proud of a mourning
that ran ⸺
and starved ⸺ for days,
single-mindedly careless of trivial well-being.
In this we sense the magic of both the dead and the living,
calling back and forth in synonymous,
mimicking hello’s
which evoke in the process an enigmatic Third Realm,
a world inhabited by life, and by death,
and by a finely indistinctive common-nonsensical Something Else ⸺
Other-Brother-Sister ⸺
that comes to the fore in peak-moments like this
just to teach us the gist
of page one of its elementary Beginner’s First Grammar
or the opening lines of some life-and-deathless short poem.

 

Photograph: 香港東涌黃龍坑豎井 Vertical shaft in Wong Lung Hang, Tung Chung, Hong Kong (2016)

Cantonese Podcasts: 陳文灝 Henry Chan Man-hou

陳文灝 Chàhn4 Màhn4-houh6 (Henry) is one of the most beautiful people in Hong Kong ⸺ not for the way he looks but for the way he does. At the time this short video was made, he was the only staff member of the Hong Kong Society of Herpetology Foundation [香港兩栖及爬蟲協會] and utterly devoted to the plight of amphibians and reptiles in the territory. It is an inspiring sight to watch him in action. And, of course, we can also enjoy listening to his Cantonese!

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Grammar points:

Henry tends to use the final particles 囉 lō1 and 啦 lāa1 a lot in ways that don’t always match conventional explanations. According to Yip and Matthews, 囉 “gives a suggestion that what is said should be obvious”, and can be used with the word 咪 maih6 = “then” to indicate “an obvious conclusion” (Intermediate Cantonese, Unit 23). The Sheik Cantonese on-line dictionary has various definitions, including “[final particle] showing argumentative mood or making emphasis” and “[final particle] expressing a changed condition”. Keep these in mind as you listen to Henry: it would seem that the very general idea of adding emphasis is what he often aims to achieve with this particle.

As for 啦 lāa1, we expect to see it with imperatives, with suggestions introduced by 不如 bāt1 yùh4, and as a marker of the items in a list (but not with the final item [?]). Sheik Cantonese has “livelier version of喇 laa3”, which suggests that its main function is to report changed circumstances and to indicate what grammarians of Mandarin call CRS (current relevant status). The idea of “liveliness” seems to mean that speakers use it to indicate that what they are saying has a bearing on the “matter at hand”, but even as I write these words I can’t help feeling that we are still far from grasping an essential use of this particle!

In the phrase 唔掂得, the word 得 dāk1 = is a verb particle used to express possibility or capability. Importantly, it follows the verb it modifies. So, in the phrase 又或者邊啲位唔掂得呀, 唔掂得 means “cannot be touched”.

順便 seuhn6 bihn6 is a very useful expression with the meaning of “conveniently; in passing”. This word has, I think, a sense of the English “and while you’re at it . . .”. There is also the sense, too, of “since you happen to be doing A, you might as well do B”. When you hear Charlotte say 有時過嚟幫手做義工，就順便可以見佢咁樣囉, she wants to indicate that she comes to do some voluntary work so that, “in the process”, she can get to spend some time with Henry.

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Vocabulary:

義工工作 yih6 gūng1 gūng1 jok3= volunteer work
圍繞 wàih4 yíuh5 = to revolve around; to centre on
對 . . . 有誤解 deui3 yáuh5 ngh6 gáai2 = to misunderstand so. or sth.
專登 jyūn1 dāng1 = on purpose; deliberately
脾性 peih4 sing3 = disposition; temperament
坎坷 hām1 hō1 = ① bumpy; rough, rugged; ② miserable; frustrating; in bad luck
畸士 kēi sí^6*2 = a loan-word for the English “case”; an instance
充公 chūng1 gūng1 = to confiscate
投放感情 tàuh4 fong3 gám2 chìhng4 = to project one’s feelings (onto sb./sth. else)
使命 si3 mihng6 = a (personal) mission (MW: 份)

This video lasts for 4:56 minutes. Scroll down for the Cantonese transcription, rough English translation and notes. To watch the video, click here.

To check anything in the transcription and for standard jyutping romanization, please refer to the Sheik Cantonese on-line dictionary.

The video also includes quite a number of captions referring to the species of the amphibian or reptile shown, together with a nickname. I have included all these inside square brackets.

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我叫 Henry
My name is Henry

噉而家係香港兩栖及爬蟲協會現時唯一嘅員工嚟㗎
At present, I am the only employee of the Hong Kong Society of Herpetology

● 嚟㗎 lèih4 gaa3 is associated with explanations, and adds a hint of what English might cover with the phrase “just in case you were wondering”. We meet a second example later on, in the sentence 噉係我哋其中一位教育大使嚟嘅 = He is one of our educational ambassadors

噉我平時主要呢，就攪一啲環境教育活動啦
Most of the time, for the most part, I run activities [connected with] environmental education

● The phrase 我平時主要呢 is literally something like “I usually importantly”, but I have tried to make the English natural. The use of 呢 at the end of a clause (when not an information-question particle) crops up several times in this video and may have to do with continuous states. Keep an eye (an ear) out for other instances in the course of the interview.

同埋都會照顧領養中心入便嘅兩栖爬蟲動物嘅
In addition, I take care of the amphibians and reptiles in the adoption centre

噉喺工餘時間呢，我都會以生態做一啲畫畫創造啦
In my spare time, I like to [會] make art based on the environment

● The modal verb 會 wúih5 is associated with habitual actions. English uses the so-called “present tense” (!) to achieve the same result.
● The character 以 yíh5 in 以生態 functions as a co-verb working together with the main verb 做 = to make (some creative artworks) using/making use of/based on the environment.
● In this case, 啦 lāa1 is being used to signal the items in a list.

亦都會行吓山呀
And I also like to do a spot of hiking

● Here, 吓 háah5 serves as an aspect marker. Yip and Matthews link it to what they call “the delimitative aspect”, which boils down to doing something “for a little while” (see Intermediate Cantonese, pp.74-75).

同埋都會去其他嘅 NGO 做一啲嘅義工工作囉
And I also go and do volunteer work at other NGOs

噉所以我一個禮拜入便時間都可以話係圍繞住生態
Therefore, you could say [可以話], all the time in my week revolves around the environment

● The verb 圍繞 wàih4 yíuh5 means “to revolve around; to centre on”. 住 (or 著) jyuh6 is another aspect marker covered briefly in Unit 19 of Basic Cantonese by Yip and Matthews. They sum up its function as describing “a continuous activity or state without change”. They note too that only certain verbs can take this marker, making it a bit unpredictable.

圍繞著大自然咁樣
Revolves around the natural world

標題：《我與兩栖爬相見歡》
Headline: I Am Delighted to Meet Amphibians and Reptiles

一般我哋嚟講嘅兩栖爬動物呢
Generally, the amphibians and reptiles we refer to in conversation [嚟講]

Here, 嚟講 is not the one we usually meet in phrases such as 對於我嚟講 = as far as I am concerned. Instead, it means something like “come to speak of”.

多人熟悉嘅
The ones most people are familiar with

有青蛙啦、或者娃娃魚啦
Are frogs or salamanders

● Here is another instance of 啦 lāa1 being used to signal the items in a list.
[Caption: 虎紋蠑螈豆豆 / The Tiger-striped Salamander, “Dau Dau”]

龜啦、蛇啦、蜥蜴、[Caption: 東部箱龜 / Eastern Box Tortoise] 甚至 eh 鰐魚咁樣嘅
Tortoises, snakes, lizards, and even crocodiles and such

[Caption: 血蟒爬妹 / Sumatran short-tailed python, “Little Sister Paa”]

點解當初想，啫，選擇呢份工呢
Why initially did I want to pick this job?

又或者我覺得係兩爬選擇咗我
Perhaps instead I felt that the amphibians and reptiles picked me

● 又 yauh6 has a special role to play in the Cantonese organization of ideas. I have heard it described as designating “a parallel situation”, so it usually follows some previous statement with further clarification or, in this case, a kind of reversal.
● The full term for “amphibians and reptiles” is 兩栖及爬蟲 léuhng5 chāi1 kahp6 pàah4 chùhng4. Henry sometimes reduces this to 兩栖爬 and sometimes even further to 兩爬!

喺香港可能好少有啲機構係專做一啲兩爬嘅保育工作啦
There are probably few specialist organizations in Hong Kong that do work to protect amphibians and reptiles

[Caption: 星點龜 / Spotted Turtle]

好多人對佢哋有誤解呀
Many people have misunderstandings about them

或者忽視咗呢類嘅動物
Or have ignored such animals

[Caption: 北部鑽紋龜 / Northern Diamond Back Terrapin]

希望可以做一啲嘢
[I] hope to be able to do some things

[Caption: 東部箱龜 / Eastern Box Turtle]

運用自己知識去幫助呢啲動物
Making use of my knowledge to help these animals

呢個品種叫非洲球蟒啦
This species is called the African Ball Python

噉佢個花名叫波仔
His nickname is Little Ball

噉係我哋其中一位教育大使嚟嘅
He is one of our educational ambassadors

[Caption: 非洲球蟒波仔, African Ball Python, “Little Ball”]

因爲我哋其實譬如讀生態去野外睇呢
Because actually we go and study about the environment and go into the wilderness to look at it

● 野外 yéh5 ngoih6 = the countryside

我哋譬如見到一條蛇都唔會特登專登去攪佢
[When], for instance, we see a snake we won’t go out of our way to annoy it deliberately

● 特登 dahk6 dāng1 = “on purpose; deliberately”. 專登 jyūn1 dāng1 means the same thing.
● 攪 gáau2 = ① disturb; annoy; bother ② stir; mix; blend

噉所以嚟到呢度
So [when] we come here

嘩，要 ah 要拎上手，要照顧佢
Wow, we have to handle it [拎], we have to look after it

● 拎 nīng1 or līng1 = ① carry or hold with a hand; lift up ② to take away/out; bring over ③ to make use of sb./sth.

其實都係要一個心理關口要克服囉
Actually, there is a psychological barrier one must get over

接觸耐咗就發現其實
Having had prolonged contact [with them] . . . [you] discover that actually

好多蛇都 . . . 你只要知道脾性呀
There are many snakes . . . as long as you understand their nature

● 脾性 peih4 sing3 = disposition; temperament

又或者邊啲位唔掂得呀
Or which places cannot be touched

● Here is another instance of 又或者, indicating a parallel situation.
● 掂 dim3 = to touch. In the phrase 唔掂得, the final 得 dāk1 = is a verb particle used to express possibility or capability. Importantly, it follows the verb it modifies.

其實佢都會好 friendly
Then they will be friendly

In my experience, “they; them; their” etc. is often expressed by the singular 佢 kéuih5 when it is a matter of non-human beings and inanimate things.

對你冇戒心嘅
Without any mistrust of you

● 戒心 gaai3 sām1 = be weary of; cautious; vigilant; keep one’s guard up; distrustful
[Caption: 中國水龍單眼仔 / Chinese Water Dragon, “One Eye”]

噉我哋中心入便嘅動物其實都好坎坷
The animals in our centre have actually had a miserable time of it

● 坎坷 hām1 hō1 = ① bumpy; rough, rugged; ② miserable; frustrating; in bad luck

譬如巴西龜呢啲
For instance, the Red-eared Slider ⸺ these

街市十蚊廿蚊買到一隻
You can get a hold of [買到] one of these for 10 or 20 Hong Kong dollars

● 廿 yaah6 = a colloquial way of saying “twenty”

[Caption: 巴西龜，Red-eared Slider “Ping Ping”]

少啲人有興趣會領養
Few people have any interest in adopting one

[Caption: 盾臂龜，皮蛋 / African Spurred Tortoise, “Preserved Duck Egg”]

通常陸龜都比較受歡迎啲啦
Generally, tortoises are rather more popular

陸龜 luhk6 gwai2 = (land) tortoise

[Caption: 凸臂鰐龜，小鋸鰐魚 / Snapping turtle (?), “Little Saw Alligator”]

噉亦都係我覺得，啫， 動物俾咗個 ah 「價值」佢
But then, too, [I] also feel, that is, in the case of animals, [once] they are given a “value”

就變咗 . . . 一啲人俾一啲物種嘅動物會被人忽視或者歧視囉
As so [變咗] . . . some kinds of animals may be overlooked or discriminated against

● 變咗 bin3 jó2 = a word showing consequence, i.e. “so; consequently”
● 物種 maht6 júng2 = species

要清潔呀、喂食呀
I have to do the cleaning as well as feed [the animals]

● Here, Henry Chan uses 呀 āa1 (?) to indicate the items in a list. I cannot say whether 啦 lāa1 and 呀 are simply alternatives, or whether some underlying rule determines which one is used . . .

做一啲記錄呀
Do some record-keeping

有病嘅，甚至幫手喂藥之類啦
I even help to give the sick ones [有病嘅] their medicine

● Note the use of 嘅 ge3 here. It forms an indefinite noun meaning “the sick ones” or “the ones that are sick”. We have already encountered this use of 嘅 to make indefinite nouns in the phrase 多人熟悉嘅 = The ones most people are familiar with

好小嘅譬如搬搬抬抬，同埋聽電話接缐嘅
Minor duties include doing a bit of lifting and carrying [搬搬抬抬] and answering the phone

都 . . . 都需要幫手
I help out doing all these

有一批鑽紋龜啦
There was a group of Diamondback Terrapins

佢，其實，嗰畸士一開頭有充公返嚟一百幾隻嘅
The group [佢], as a matter of fact . . . that case [involved] over a hundred tortoises that were first of all confiscated

● 畸士 kēi sí^6*2 = case. It is sometimes also written as K事.
● 充公 chūng1 gūng1 = to confiscate

但因為本身佢可能走私運送途中啦
But because itself they were probably on the way to be being smuggled somewhere

● 本身 bún2 sān1 = itself. This usually comes after the thing it modifies, but I have the feeling that佢 kéuih5 is implicit here: 但因為佢本身佢可能. It has been omitted to avoid repetition.

已經可能好受壓呀，已經好多病呀
They had already been put under a lot of pressure and had many illnesses

太擠迫呀，嚟到已經救唔返
Too crowded together, and by the time they came [here] it was too late to save them

● 擠迫 zāi1 bīk1= cramped (?)

噉最尾而家得返九隻
[Until] finally there were only nine left just now [而家]

● There is a tone-change in 最尾 jeui3 mēi5*1, meaning “final; last place” according to Sheik Cantonese. Here, “finally” seems more suitable.

當我清理佢哋嘅尸體時候
When I checked the corpses of the dead tortoises

● 清理 chīng1 léih5 = to clear; to put in order; to check up

都見到，啊，尋日仲好好哋嘅
I could see that, ah, they were still OK yesterday

但係今日突然間已經走咗
But today suddenly they were gone

●  Here, 今日 gām1 yaht6 sounds as if it is being pronounced *gam at.

不過，其實，eh 而家對得耐咗都習慣嘅
However, now, as a matter of fact, having faced [such things] for a long time, I am used to it

● I am not sure about 對得耐咗. My understanding is that 對 deui3 is a verb meaning “to face”, followed by a resultative (?), giving us “to face (something) for a long time”. The aspect marker 咗 jó2 suggests that the speaker has already realized this long-term facing of animal death and has therefore become accustomed to it. Compare this to an earlier comment Henry makes: 接觸耐咗就發現其實 = Having had prolonged contact [with them] . . . [you] discover that actually.

我投放感情比較多，所以反彈比較大囉
I project my feelings [into the animals] quite a bit, . . . the rebound is big

● 投放 tàuh4 fong3 = to put into circulation; to throw in
● 反彈 fáan2 daahn6 = (to?) rebound; rebound

所以以後，啫，可能有啲新嚟嘅動物
So after [this], that is, perhaps some new animals will come

就 . . . 可能冇咁擺太多感情落去
Then . . . I don’t think I’ll put so much of my emotions into [them]

● It is unusual to say 可能冇咁擺太多感情落去, but the man is clearly very upset at this point. Normally, one would say可能唔會擺太多感情落去.

因爲驚走之後
Because I worry that [if/when] they die

唔開心咁樣
I’ll be unhappy

Charlotte speaks:

有時過嚟幫手做義工
Sometimes [I] come over and help out as a volunteer

就順便可以見佢咁樣囉
And in the process [順便] I can get to see him

● 順便 seuhn6 bihn6 = conveniently; in passing. This word has, I think, a sense of the English “and while you’re at it . . .”.

噉我都知佢忙嘅，係呀
I know he’s busy, yes

● Here, 都 dōu1 seems to add emphasis, rather than to mean “also”.

噉所以我都盡量睇吓有啲咩
So I do everything I can to see if there is anything

可以用我自己嘅方法大家夾
I can do to bring us together [夾] using my own methods

● The character 夾 gaap3 has quite a number of meanings. I recently came across 河國榮 Gregory Rivers using it to mean “compatible; on the same wavelength”: 噉啱發覺我身邊啲朋友 / 全部都係香港人 / 啫，我哋，唔知點解我哋好夾嘅. However, in this context, Charlotte seems to use it to mean “to come up with a time or to agree on a time” when both of them are free.

一啲共同嘅時間出嚟咁樣
To have some shared time [共同嘅時間] to go out

啫，我哋讀書呀、讀嘅嘢呀，出嚟做嘢呀、甚至係放工得閑做嘅嘢
I mean, our study, the things that we study, our going out to work, and even the things we do in our free time

● In this list, Charlotte uses 呀 āa1 to enumerate the individual items.

都係同自然生態有關咁樣
Are connected with the natural environment

Henry speaks again:

Eh 有時都會幾攰，但係有滿足感嘅
Sometimes [I] am quite tired, but feel a satisfaction

用盡每一分每一秒囉，可以話
Having made use of every minute and every second, you could say

因爲都係有份使命喺度啦
Because there is [a sense of] a mission here

因爲如果譬如我唔喺度嘅
For instance, if I weren’t around

咁就冇人再照顧中心入便嘅動物
There’d be no one to take care of the animals in the centre any more

都提住自己唔好咁易去放棄呢樣嘢囉
A reminder [提著] to oneself not to give up this thing

● From the context, 提住（著）seems to mean “to remind” or “keep reminding oneself”. In Unit 19 of Basic Cantonese, Yip and Matthews point out that “verb + jyuh6 can mean something different from the simple verb by itself” (p.101).

“In June, it’s raining last year’s rain” by Woo Sai Nga, translated by Audrey Heijns

The rain beats down, cultivating flowers that can fly
while waiting for the rain to stop, people look around
their pupils filled with pools of water,
they let themselves waver
more easily by the rain

The umbrellas are in dire straits, hems are about to fly
Tree trunks that got soaked appear deeper
and tougher than human beings

The sun sets, the sun rises
and it still keeps on
raining

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

〈六月，天空下著去年的雨〉／ 胡世雅

雨擊落，種出會飛的花
等雨停的人東張西望
把水窪都納進眼瞳
讓自己更容易
被雨動搖

傘很狼狽，衣擺欲飛
被淋濕的樹幹比起人
擁有更深沉堅硬的神色

日落下去，日升上來
而雨
還在下

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● Woo Sai Nga, born in Hong Kong, is a member of Fannou Poetry Society. She graduated from the Chinese Department, Baptist University of Hong Kong in 2017 and is now teaching at a secondary school. She publishes poems in literary magazines in Hong Kong and Taiwan, and has won the Youth Literary Award (青年文學獎) and the Award for Creative Writing in Chinese (中文文學創作獎) in Hong Kong. She was the leader of the workshop “Literary Convergence ⸺ May Fourth Hong Kong”, Theatre-in-Education Project (Reading and Writing), held at the Hong Kong Literature Research Centre, The Chinese University of Hong Kong in 2019/20.

● Audrey Heijns, based in Hong Kong, is working at Shenzhen University. Her translations of Chinese literature have been published in literary magazines, including Het Trage Vuur, Twee Ronde, KortVerhaal, Terras, Renditions, Exchanges and Poetry International.

Eagles (Ling Kok Shan 菱角山)

They are so much wing
the body is merely a regal hinge
equipped with claws.

In their circles they soar
the stillness of a pin-drop
and lift the earthbound
a just fraction off Earth.

(A mountain of granite below
is made light of
and the sea all the way
to the horizon
seems small.)

Above white tombs
built into the steep hill-side
their voices break the science of the shade.

Hearing Voices

A voice calls your name
three, four times through the (empty)
house. It’s her voice,
you’re sure — the voice

of your sister. You expect
any moment to see
her face worrying
at a window or opening
to you through a door.

There is no one.

You explain it as a sign
of an “audible disorder”
in your head, but maybe
this key to all of us
that has no precise sound
or shape of its own
borrowed one refrain
from insistent thought
to ask you to step outside
your own self-echo.

 

Photograph: 香港西貢：塗鴉 Graffiti seen in Sai Kung, Hong Kong (2018)

Mowdown

Ալ հոգնա՜ծ եմ
ըսպասելեն տենչանքներուս մեղրին անույշ
— Միսաք Մեծարենց

I imagined you uncomfortably centre of a swarm
when you said you’d run them over with the mower,
the bees. We marched to our surprise
back to the place, hearing the high-voltage hum
of an unidentified engine, singing of the sting
rather than of coarse honey’s vaguer promise.
Clustered at the mouth of a depression,
they made a house of themselves on shorn grass,
court of a runaway queen restless for fresh pollen
or victims of virus-longing.
Sentries levitated against our curious air-space,
buzzing sun-glassed heads as a check to distance.
My exposed ankles felt for the insects,
with the sun in the west and frogs exhaling damp at dusk
to the threat of frosts. What could they do
deprived of the six angles of the hexagon
bees need to impose minimum shelter on their world?
To know that we would have to return
when fields of frozen-grinning daisies next came back to light.
And we did. They were gone.

Photograph: 香港錦田天后廟 Tin Hau Temple in Kam Tin, Hong Kong (2016)

Cantonese Podcasts: A Postman’s Gaze (1)

Journey to the Isle is an innovative WordPress website dedicated to the Hong Kong island of Cheung Chau as experienced by a cross-section of its inhabitants. All of them have their own deeply personal stories to tell. There are numerous written anecdotes transcribed into Cantonese (a good source of information about written Cantonese, but unfortunately not translated into English) and also quite a large number of short videos in which project members talk about their very individual experiences of this place.

In this 3-minute clip, 李達成 Léih5 Daaht6 Sìhng4, one of Cheung Chau’s postmen, talks about his passion for photography which led to a picture he took of “the Doctor” [「博士」bok3 sih6], an old man who seems to come and go as he pleases, without attachments, and who has an unsuspected interest in books and music. Lee talks about how he gradually came to know the man and what he learned about this unusually self-contained character.

In terms of grammar and usage, there are a few points worth noting. Firstly, you’ll hear a couple of examples of the progressive aspect in 做緊嘢 (“doing things”) and 都係我喺轉緊嘅 (“I was turning things over [in my mind]”). Secondly, the postman says 擺啲時間 = to make the time to do sth. Thirdly, at the end, you’ll hear 啦 lā1 to enumerate the items in a list. Finally, and most interestingly, 李達成 also makes use of 開 hōi1 as an aspect marker in the final paragraph, added to verbs to indicate habitual action. In my own limited experience of the language, I have seldom come across this marker.

In recent weeks, I’ve been wondering a bit about the various uses of 呢 nī1/ne1. Like many common bits of Cantonese, 呢 is put to a range of uses. Pronounced as nī1 or lī1 (and sometimes even reduced to yī1), it generally means “here; this” etc.:

呢一個人 = this person

Pronounced as nē1 or lē1, it is routinely encountered as a question particle used especially for information question (for yes/no questions, 呀 aa3 is preferred):

然後呢 = then what happened?
佢係咪一個好窮嘅人呢？ = Was he a poor man?

More elusively, it also seems to play a role in marking the topic of a sentence, and is often attached to more than one phrase, perhaps to signal to the listener that we have not yet arrived at the comment part of the sentence.

當時，其實，因爲「博士」呢，佢好多時，大家見面呢，佢就會撩吓我呀。 = Well . . . at that time, actually, because the Doctor, on many occasions, would, when we saw one another, say something to tease me
噉其實呢，啲問題呢，都係我喺轉緊嘅。= So I was actually turning these questions over [in my mind].

It is certainly true, too, that 呢 is regularly attached to what might be called “discourse markers”, that is, short phrases that link parts of the sentence and establish logical relations. Some of these (from sources other than this video) include: 噉所以呢; 嗱，其實呢; 你可以話呢; 同埋呢; 因爲呢 . . . I suspect that there are other, additional uses of 呢 (including one for “continuous states), just to make life interesting!

Needless to say, there is also some very worthwhile vocabulary in the piece: 有型 yáuh5 yìhng4 = smart; stylish (see Current Colloquial Cantonese: p.15); 身水身汗 sān1 séui2 sān1 hohn6 = to be dripping with sweat; to be drenched in sweat; sweating profusely; 可造之才 hó2 jouh6 jī1 chòih4 = a person suitable for training; a promising young person; 第一開始 daih6 yāt hōi1 chí2 = at first; from the outset; from the very beginning; 流浪者 làuh4 lohng6 jé2 = a drifter or wanderer; 疏 sō1 = ① sparse; thin; scattered ② distant; not familiar; and 自由自在 jih6 yàuh4 jih6 joih6 = carefree; free; (to enjoy one’s own company?)

You can watch the video here, as well as see a copy of the photograph Michael Lee took. If you’d like to read the Cantonese transcription together with an English translation, please keep scrolling down.

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郵差的眼睛 / A Postman’s Gaze

主持人：呢一個人 . . .  一定有嘅。
Questioner: Such a man . . . certainly exists.

李達成：有啦。頭先你講ah「博士」嗰張相呢。好似頭先你講「博士」嗰張相。噉 . . . 當時，其實，因爲「博士」呢，佢好多時，大家見面呢，佢就會撩吓我呀。我做緊嘢身水身汗咁樣，佢都會撩我傾一兩句計架。

● The common word 好似 hóu2 chíh5 is usually translated as “to be like”, but it sometimes seems to introduce a note of uncertainty or reduced certainty: “I seemed to remember you saying” or “I was under the impression (but I may be wrong)”.
● 撩 lìuh4 = to tease; to tantalize; to provoke. By extension, it may perhaps also refer to the act of saying something in order to strike up a conversation.

Michael Lee: Yes, he does. Just now you spoke about that photo of “the Doctor”. I got the impression [好似] that just now you spoke about that photo of “the Doctor”. Well . . . at that time, actually, because the Doctor, on many occasions, would, when we saw one another, say something to tease me [撩吓我]. Even if I were in the middle of something and dripping with sweat, he would say something and start chatting with me.

李達成：「博士」

主持人：例如係 . . . ?
Questioner: What did he say to you [literally = for instance]?

李達成：例如，例如 . . . 好尷尬架喎。佢話，「啊你真係最有型嘅郵差嘅」（laughter）。
Michael Lee: Well, for instance, for instance . . . I feel very embarrassed about it! He would say: “Ah, you really are the most handsome postman”.

主持人：有咩尷尬啫？好眼光，好眼光！然後呢？

● As a final particle 啫 jē is generally used to downplay the significance of what was said. The implication here, I think, is “there’s nothing so very embarrassing about that”. But 啫 jē also occurs in this conversation with the meaning of “that is; I mean”, something that is also said as a filler when you are trying to think of what to say next.
● 好眼光 hóu2 ngáahn5 gwōng1 = literally “good vision”, but figuratively “good taste”.

Questioner: Why be embarrassed by a little thing like that? He has good taste, he has good taste! Then what happened?

李達成：噉我就俾佢「溝」到啦（laughs）。噉呀 . . .

● 溝 kāu1/gāu1 = to pick/chat up; to cruise (for sexual partner); (?) to pursue (a potential partner). This seems to introduce a vein of sexual innuendo into the conversation, triggered by the Doctor’s comments on the postman’s good looks and perhaps touched on again in the use of 可造之才 in the next part, but I may be reading too much into the Cantonese . . . My Cantonese informant explains 溝 as follows: 至於「溝」，通常講男女關係，「溝」係比較粗俗，但唔係粗口，亦好常用，意思係「追」，想追佢做女朋友或男朋友。例如：呢個男同事對呢個女同事作出咁多攻勢，又送花，又送人哋返屋企，又成日讚佢叻，攞明就係想溝佢啦。不過個女同事冇咩大反應，好似唔受溝。

Michael Lee: Well, I let him catch me [溝]! And so . . .

主持人：你都係好有型呀！
Questioner: Yes, you are very handsome!

李達成：噉呀，跟住開始去去飲茶。噉我經過就同佢嗰陣時去邊度飲茶喇，喺 . . . 而家我唔知叫咩，喺海濱隔離嗰度附近飲早茶嘅。噉我有時經過，噉見到佢同另一個叔叔喺度飲茶。噉我可能坐低搭吓枱呀咁樣，大家傾吓，即係 *jē1，傾吓計咁。同埋我覺得佢 eh 係真係一塊可造之才囉，啫喺影相方面。噉我，我都要擺啲時間嘅，我都要擺啲時間同佢混熟啲呀，嗄。噉亦都出真心嘅，啫唔係話咩 . . .

● 搭枱 daap3 tói4*2 = (?) to share a table with (a party of people already seated). I am often asked whether I would like to 搭枱 when trying to get a meal in a crowded cha chaan teng!
● 混 wahn6 = to muddle/drift along; to get along with; 混熟 wahn6 suhk6 = to muddle along with someone to the point of getting to know them well (熟 suhk6 here is a particle that expresses result).

Michael Lee: And so after that we began to go and have a cup of tea [together]. If I happened to be passing by [經過], I would go and have a cup of tea with him at . . . I don’t know what the place was called now, there was [a place] right next to the praya [海濱隔離嗰度附近] where we would drink our tea of a morning. Sometimes I would pass by, and I would see him there having his tea with some other old fellow [另一個叔叔]. And so I might sit down [with them] and we would have a chat, have a bit of a chat. I also felt that he, eh, really was a promising subject [可造之才], I mean [啫] in terms of a photograph. And so I, I would make the time [to see him], I would even make the time to get to know him [混熟] a little better. But I was motivated by a sincere wish, you couldn’t say that there was . . .

主持人：但係第一開始覺得喺想影相上，所以再對佢有興趣嘅啲嘅。
Questioner: But was it that that in the first instance you felt that you wanted to take a photograph [of him] and so later became interested in him?

李達成：Eh 都唔係。其實，佢個人我其實已經係對佢都好有興趣。佢究竟係咪，真係一個，啊 . . . 流浪者呢？佢唔似係神經 . . . 啫，唔似係精神病嘅，佢唔似嘅。但係佢係咪真係一個流浪者呢？佢係咪一個好窮嘅人呢？噉其實 er 有冇人可以幫到佢嘅呢？噉其實呢，啲問題呢，都係我喺轉緊嘅。

● 轉 jyun3 = ① to revolve; to rotate, to spin; ② a round trip. In this context, it does seem to mean more or less what English expresses with the idiom “to turn over in one’s mind”.

Michael Lee: No, it wasn’t like that. Actually, I was actually very interested in him as a person. Was he, was he really . . . ah, a homeless wanderer [流浪者]? He didn’t look like he was mad . . . I mean, he didn’t look like a person with a mental problem, not like that. But was he really actually a wanderer without a home? Was he a poor man? Could anyone actually give him any help? So I was actually turning these questions over [in my mind] [轉].

主持人：你有冇答案嘅？
Questioner: Do you have any answers?

李達成：Eh 有嘅。噉其實佢有物業啦、親人就好疏啦、就 . . . 有錢用嘅 . . . 有錢用嘅。噉呀同埋佢好鐘意佢自己一個人，自由自在嘅。啫，後來慢慢識佢傾開計，咁就知道佢多啲嘅嘢喇。同埋佢好鐘意聽音樂啦、音、睇書啦，嗄。 啫，啲文學嗰啲呢，即係名都唔識讀嘅嗰本書嗰啲嚟㗎，嗄。佢《聖經》話，都讀咗成本嘅，佢《聖經》都讀過。

● In a couple of places here, 啦 lā is used to designate the items in a list.
● In Intermediate Cantonese, Matthews and Yip explain 開 hōi1 as having a habitual meaning (see Unit 12 on aspect markers), so 傾開計 suggests, I think, “to get into the habit of talking” or “talking on a regular basis”.
● The use of 音 before 睇書 is just a casual error made by the speaker.
● Two different aspect markers are used in 佢《聖經》話，都讀咗成本嘅，佢《聖經》都讀讀 with the same verb 讀 duhk6 = to read, adding nuances to what is being said, although in English “had read” would be used in both cases. The first marker 咗 jó2 emphasizes realization: the Doctor has already achieved the feat of reading the whole Bible. The second marker 讀 gwo3 stresses past experience: Had he had any experience of reading the Bible? Yes, he had.

Michael Lee: Eh, yes, I do. Actually, he owned property, he didn’t have much in the way of family [好疏], and then [就] . . . he had money at his disposal . . . he had money at his disposal. And another thing [同埋], he really liked to be on his own, and live a free and easy life. So, [when] slowly I got to know him and we’d got into the habit of talking, I then knew more things about him. As well, he very much liked to listen to music, and to read. I mean, those literary [works], that is, those books the title of which [I] do not know have to read. The Bible, he said, he had read from cover to cover [成本]. He had read the Bible.

The Use of One’s Legs (Sha Tin 沙田)

 

At least partially paralyzed below the waist,
he is bemused — or cross — in the whole of his face
when baldly I tell him in the best of my bad Cantonese
that I have no interest in tennis at all,
no: mou hingcheui 冇興趣.
“God, what a waste!” I imagine I see him think.
How he wishes he could force my legs
through some quirk or kink
of fate at once to trade places with his!
For solace he lights up a cigarette,
smoking hot air the length of Lek Yuen Street.
When he’s finished lunch we shake able-bodied arms
before he grips calloused wheels with his sugar-cube-crushing palms
and rolls off to a court nearby for a set.
Unsteady as sunstroke as I get to my feet,
I have to duck a dragonfly-volley aimed slap bang right between the eyes,
like guilt.

 

Photograph: 香港坪洲廟仔 Small shrine on Peng Chau, Hong Kong

Out of Nowhere (Shung Him Tong 崇謙堂)

 

I turn off and follow the road of a trickling stream
of details: a butterfly flat
on an upturned dish
feeds itself on this afternoon’s heat-waved sun;
in a private garden,
purple parasitic orchids
live off serenely their hard host tree;
a red dragonfly
counteracts the rust of a barbed-wire fence;
while banana leaves crackle withered skin across my straining
stranger-nerves.
But where the path ends —
though believe me the stream flows on —
it’s the grass speaks loudest with gentle blades
 over and over
the Christian cemetery’s departed congregation.

 

香港西貢沙角尾：大蕉 Banana trees, Sha Kok Mei in Sai Kung, Hong Kong

《新心界》: 第五章

In this chapter, while our heroes recover from their turbulent seance held on the previous evening, Ah Luk’s daughter Fu Cheui prepares to fly back to Hong Kong after four years in Sweden. Some time later, at one of his Cantonese lessons, Chan Chi-yat practices “speaking TVB”, a novel learning method pioneered by his teacher, the playful-but-serious Mrs Yim. Finally, after months of work and numerous setbacks, Ah Luk launches an exhibition of her late mother’s oil paintings and photographs, which culminates entirely inappropriately in Fu Cheui’s smashing of a portrait of her grandmother in a drunken outburst of rage . . .

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•  「日日都係人日咩？」

第二日，阿綠起身起得好早，因為尋日請杯仙期間發生咗太多事，所以佢成睌冇覺好瞓，腦海裏湧出各種各樣嘅諗法，令佢哭笑不得。應該點樣安排媽咪嘅展覽先至可以做到最好？陳之一嗰種「黐線亦都係一門藝術」究竟係乜意思？香港嘅前途係咪真係如仙杯所暗示咁令到人憂慮，注定走上徹底毀滅之路呢？佢一面諗諗問題，一面呷緊啱啱煮好嘅咖啡。突然間，佢又向蛾鬼大聲講：「噉，第二種音樂呢？陳之一根本無話俾我哋知香港第二種音樂究竟係乜嘢！」

同一時間，咁啱得咁橋，阿奇亦都諗起呢一件事：如果香港可以演奏出自己音樂嘅話，係咪一定好好聽呀？同時，佢覺得尋日發生嘅一切事情都奇奇怪怪，連佢夜麻麻行返屋企時，都發現自己嘅單位大門上有一張華裔女裸體模特兒嘅圖片被人偷偷貼上去，佢估係附近淘氣嘅細蚊仔想整蠱佢一番。一片黃色嘅皮膚妖冶咁展現喺佢眼前，明顯哋有一對黃色嘅乳房望住佢。阿奇於是望一望周圍，確定走廊冇鄰居之後，就十分小心咁將「黃小姐」由門板上拆除並摺埋一齊。成個場面令佢覺得自己嘅世界，喺一夜之間變得同以往有所不同。

至於陳之一，老實講，佢真係瞓得好淰，甚至乎連夢都冇發一個。恰好，今日係正月七日，即係人日，因此陳之一覺得特別值得慶祝。美中不足嘅係就算叫人日又好，叫禮拜幾都好，佢今日始終都要返工做嘢！搭完地鐵返到辦公室之後，佢居然發現自己枱上有一封信等緊佢返嚟開。係一封十分正式信件，信封上以大楷英文羅馬字寫著「澳洲聯邦政府」。陳之一一見到就覺得有少少奇怪。佢近年已經同澳洲冇乜直接關係，除非係澳洲舉行選舉活動（澳洲到而家，每逢舉辦選舉，就算身在海外都需要投票嘅，唔投嘅話就會被罰款）。陳之一忍唔住發出一冷笑，佢多年以嚟對政治都好心淡，遇到同事朋友問及此事時，佢就會聲稱自己係「文主黨」嘅一個永久成員。因此，打開信封時，佢仲以為又要浪費好多時間去中環投票，不過好快就發現內容其實冇乜特別，只不過係請佢確定自己嘅聯絡資料，以便日後偶有同佢聯繫嘅需要。摺翻封信之後，陳之一就順手入翻信封裏面，然後再卡喺《楚辭》中間，作為臨時書籤。

＊ ＊ ＊

瑞典。斯德哥爾摩。三月。喺寒冬已過、炎夏未到嘅過渡性季節之間，阿綠嘅女兒 — 靳孚翠正準備出發。其實，佢點諗都諗唔到答案，佢算係離開自己屋企定係返家鄉呢？雖然過去嗰四年，佢一直喺呢座北歐城市過日子，生活得相當滿意，但係佢最近開始懷疑起嚟，覺得一個人唔能夠好似一塊磚頭或者一部電腦咁，任由人隨隨便便被帶到地球上嘅任何地方。事實上人應該似植物咁，喺邊度扎咗根，就喺嗰度一生繼續生長落去，若果不幸遭受移植，就算表面上好似可以維持生命，但係喺睇唔見嘅細胞深處、無形中、缺乏某種養份滋養而就容易慢慢凋謝。

其實，佢呢排唔知點解就有某種直覺，覺得自己嘅命運好似去到一個關鍵時刻，結果令到見步行步嘅生活階段，就咁喺完全冇乜徵兆嘅情況之下，忽然告一段落。為咗自己嘅將來發展，唔單止涉及日後工作嘅「生計」問題，自己對人生嘅理解被迫揸揸注意，同時又要作出一個重要嘅決定：瑞典對於佢嚟講究竟意味著乜嘢？一座又美麗又單調嘅皇家城市？無數天藍色嘅湖泊同埋一種泛著湖泊色般嘅仲夏天空？觸摸深冬厚冰所感到嘅劇烈痛楚，從而呼應北歐擅於醞釀烈酒嘅辣味？一方面，佢已經習慣咗斯德哥爾摩嗰種被冬寒支配嘅生活節奏，與此同時佢又不知不覺意會呢種生存環境都有好多盲點，令佢意識到自己最終難以徹底投入喺呢啲若隱若現嘅地方。但佢可以肯定一件事：如果作出決定喺斯德哥爾摩永遠住落去，佢一生一定好幸福。但係，歸根結蒂，人生最重要嘅目標難道擁有幸福就足夠啦咩？

近排孚翠無端端多咗個習慣，佢隨身都會放一盒瑞典火柴喺口袋，出街踽踽獨行嘅時候，就間唔中會聽到呢啲幼細嘅火柴枝喺卡紙盒中輕輕砰砰作響。聽到呢啲聲音時，好奇怪，可以為佢帶嚟唔少精神上嘅安慰，令佢更有信心面對生命中嘅種種挑戰。雖然目前置身於遙遠嘅北歐，但係佢亦都應該同啱啱過年嘅香港人，都有機會新年開始，可以洗心革面，重新出發——或者佢心裏面靜靜雞同自己講「洗心靳面」！

其實，靳孚翠放棄香港同阿爸離開母親本來係息息相關嘅，當年年幼嘅佢冇咩原因會令佢拒絕阿爸作出嘅所有決定？不過，隨著時日遞增，佢逐漸開始獨立起嚟，甚至有時頗為驚訝咁發現，自己內心嘅諗法同阿爸差異甚大！原來，佢一直欣賞佢爸爸去瑞典謀生嘅勇敢、創業精神，但係最近卻覺得如此果斷嘅決定同時亦適用於各種負面嘅解釋，包括誇張、炫耀、不負責任、甚至乎好似背叛咗自己嘅文化。孚翠親自體驗到西方文化嘅豐富吸引力，有時又真係想全心全意陶醉於其懷抱入面，但係行到呢個地埗嘅時候，心靈深處總會提醒佢，令佢懷疑咁樣嘅陶醉取向是正確。

逐漸地，佢就決定要暫時離開瑞典前往香港。當然，佢並沒有將個人嘅詳細想法同阿爸一一加以解釋，避免帶嚟嚴重嘅衝突。為咗好好處理呢件事，佢只向父親提出兩個原因：一嚟係喺香港呢個世界知名嘅金融中心繼續發展自己所謂嘅「前途」；二嚟可以親自睇睇佢阿媽嘅情況，嘗試打破同佢母親分開多年所積累嘅隔膜。孚翠同母親聯絡時獲知外婆嘅展覽會在三月尾舉辦，佢唔由得戥佢阿媽興奮，況且展覽係由他人出錢幫忙嘅，令到孚翠也可以放心。不過，佢同時對於嗰個慷慨外國人產生懷疑，佢同母親究竟係乜關係？係咪可靠嘅？會唔會另存景轟？諗起呢啲嘢，佢心底裏會突然間冒起一股對阿媽嘅關切保護感。另外，父親對於前妻嘅感覺已經完全冷卻，當然會好同意自己女兒嘅決定，用呢次機會順便關心阿綠，亦係對自己身邊熟人嘅一種基本關注。

搭的士去斯德哥爾摩阿蘭達國際機場時，孚翠嘅心情並冇太大嘅波動。其實，自從決定將自己「海歸」以來，佢嘅情緒已經慢慢平靜落嚟，對於未來各種憂慮亦轉化為好奇心，感情基本上踏實得多！略微令佢感到遺憾嘅係，喺瑞典春天終於來臨之際，正正係佢選擇啓程前往「他鄉」嘅時候，一直盼望見到花草盛開嘅季節就只好錯過。不過，既然都已經決定錯過咁難得嘅北歐春天，噉係咪要期待一下香港嘅春季，好可能會有陽光充沛而鮮豔奪目嘅日子。

的士駛過嘅路段忽然變得凹凸不平，令到車身一下子左搖右擺得好犀利。因此，孚翠隨之都聽到嗰三十幾條火柴嘅聲音，佢臉上露出一絲笑意，偷望車裡面嗰塊倒後鏡，照照自己嘅時候，佢就不禁大聲笑起嚟。司機聽到笑聲，就覺得份外輕鬆啲，於是同孚翠開始傾吓計，知道乘客係去香港嘅香港人，佢就津津樂道咁講出佢對港珠澳大橋嘅一啲想法，對於佢嚟講，如果將來自己有機會到香港旅行，佢第一件想做嘅事，就係租架車去體驗過橋嘅感受！講到呢度，孚翠內心覺得好尷尬：佢對一路都冇關注過呢條「大橋」。

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香港。沙田。排頭。

陳之一第一次去沙田買嘢嗰日，喺唔熟悉嘅情況下，落咗火車，由月台行上扶手電梯去車站大堂時，佢完全無意咁繞過名店林立嘅新城市廣場，直接由車站大門口一直往排頭村嘅方向行。冇耐，佢就發現呢個地方嘅氣氛尤為特別，有一股偏僻鄉村嘅特有安寧，雖然四圍都係高樓大廈，但係呢度仲有傳統嘅青磚老屋，加上有幾間舖仔，專為附近寶褔山骨灰龕場賣鮮花、生果之類嘅祭品，空地上又有一檔小販售賣涼果零食，一一都令到陳之一嘅心情得到放鬆。後來，當佢碰巧發現到排頭村有個頗為搶眼嘅藍氏家祠、後山又有萬佛寺，令到佢更加珍惜呢一帶，喺佢嘅心目中，呢度就係市區沙漠嘅一個寶貴嘅小綠洲。

咁啱得咁橋，陳之一恰恰喺排頭村附近識到佢個人嘅廣東話老師 – 嚴太，即係嗰個兩個口＋厂＋敢嘅「嚴」字，而且呢個教師真係名副其實，香港好難揾到如此嚴格嘅粵語教育家。不過，佢嘅嚴厲能夠幫助學生達到學習目標，而且同佢學咗好多年嘅「熟客」﹐都會慢慢欣賞到嚴太平時掩飾嘅獨特幽默感。譬如，同學生作「無綫」練習。

人日亦都要上堂嘅陳之一，喺收工之後就去到嚴太嘅教室／客廳，一齊訓練講「無綫」：

「政府最近有調查發現，唔少居住係本港嘅西方人，由於孤獨就容易患上情緒病。你有冇考慮採取既適當又具體嘅措施面對呢一方面嘅問題？」嚴太拋磚引玉咁開始對話。

聽到咁多仿如無綫新聞報道般嘅高級詞彙，好似一串炮竹咁向佢攻擊，嚴太嘅學生即刻知道應該點樣回答：「據了解，呢種情緒病雖然普遍存有上昇嘅趨勢，但係呢個問題嘅基本元素，甚至乎可以話係罪魁禍首，即係西方人過分強調個人獨立嘅人生觀。以屋企、宗族、社會等嘅群體、團體為依歸嘅香港人士，由於喺搞好交際關係方面上具有高度嘅創造力，所以並冇咁容易遭受呢種「睇唔到」嘅疾病襲擊。長期居住喺香港嘅西方人士，如果能夠揾方式進一步了解及投入香港嗰種團體生活嘅取向，就或者起碼可以少少紓緩各種各樣嘅心理問題。」

「不過，西方人士深入香港華人社會層面之中，無疑面對唔少棘手嘅困難。譬如，同本地人士順利溝通對於眾多西方人嚟講，只有少數人士能夠成功處理。依你所見，係唔係成玏講到一口流利嘅廣東話，克服溝通障礙，就可以解決先前提到嘅情緒病？」

陳之一一早就揣測到其老師會提出咁樣嘅問題，因此好有把握咁隨即回答：「香港語言學家認為，因為廣東話定性為“方言”、係缺乏文明高水準嘅“粗魯”溝通工具，所以受到大規模歧視，甚至香港部分人士對於自己嘅母語會產生極度自卑感⋯⋯」

「絕對唔係所有嘅人會咁樣睇事情！其中，肯定亦都有好多市民以講廣東話為榮！」嚴無老師喺一時衝動之下忍唔住插口。

「不過，正因如此，廣東話喺多數西方人嘅心目中同普通話比起嚟地位差得好遠，一直唔會產生多太大嘅吸引力。喺世界各地大學中文系入面，想學中文嘅人士唔能唔選擇國語，而廣東話幾乎完全未有立足知底。結果，香港少數前線語言老師面對各種難以克服嘅挑戰，教學資料嚴重缺乏，因此，唔少西方學生學一陣之後就好快中途放棄。其實，我哋應該強烈譴責呢一種蔑視廣東話嘅態度，盡量揾辦法將呢種語音嘅地位提升，咁樣先至可以有突破性嘅轉變！」

講到呢一點，陳之一真係由於非常投入話題而變得激昂，熱情忽然好大，但係喺再次就呢個話題進一步分析之際，嚴太又一次插口打斷。

「對唔住，葉公，時間已經到啦，新聞報道完畢！不過，我哋喺落堂之前，我想問一問你，五月中旬嗰個廣東話演講比賽，你諗好演講題目未呢？」

陳之一唔係好肯定：「噉其實呢…我呢排諗緊係咪可以講天后廟同神人共樂嘅宗教意識，但係想必呢類話題未必受歡迎啩。噉老師知唔知，以往嘅演講，攞奬嘅鐘意講邊啲題材？」

「其實呢，根據演講網上嘅資料，上屆比賽演講嘅題目包括<世界第八奇觀 —— 港珠澳大橋>、<金融海洋濤浪起：粤港澳大灣區>、<繁榮嘅神機妙算：由“一路一帶”講起>、<林鄭特首 —— 香港土生土長嘅撒切爾夫人>等等。」

如此聳人聽聞嘅題目令到陳之一只能發出悠長嘅「哇」聲，簡直無言以對。不過，佢好快就恢復正常，經過半分鐘嘅認真思考之後，就對嚴太話：「當然，目的唔係攞第一名，變成冠軍，而係喺大眾面前表現自己對廣東話嘅熱情。不過，唔使問阿貴，呢類演講內容唔太適合我。」

然後，佢就準備離開排頭，打算一個人去德興粥麵店食晚飯。嚴太為佢打開大門嘅時候，用咗佢嗰把又溫柔又細聲嘅聲音講：「我呢排睇過一次戲，聽到演員話：“唔好將自己適應題目，反而應該將題目適應自己。”你睇，係咪講得好啱？可唔可以向呢個方向揀好題材？」

陳之一就向佢點點頭，拎住書包離開。

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阿綠越投入準備展覽嘅工作，就越覺得興奮，幾乎每日收工之後都去一趟住所附近嘅南盛街，佢喺呢頭揾到展覽嘅地間，繼續進行各種準備工作。地點雖然簡陋，但係透過一切努力，連同母親呢三十幾張充滿色彩嘅油畫，加上個人品味，將展覽場地蛻變成一個有高度藝術感嘅環境。佢阿媽真係十分了解顏色嘅協調，明白點樣喺一隻顏色同第二隻之間產生某種視力上嘅奇麗共鳴。除此之外，母親嘅油畫入面仲有一個共通點，係將神、人同自然界連埋一齊，譬如佢以人為主要題材時，會喺一個角落中劃出一個細小方框，入面添畫某一位神怪嘅肖像（佢相當鐘意畫觀音或者天后，不過有時會選擇嗰啲相當罕見嘅神，例如哪吒、金花，或者文昌），同時係另一個地方會加上甲蟲、蝴蝶、蜻蜓等代表自然界嘅昆蟲。綜合嘅效果真係好獨特，但係喺母親生前未必人人接受，覺得咁樣畫畫太過落後，唔夠「現代」，根本反映唔到二十世紀所謂國際城市日新月異嘅形勢。

講到自己嘅女兒，阿綠同孚翠嘅關係到目前仲處於一種緊張嘅狀態。第一，除咗忙到甩轆之外，阿綠依然難以原諒孚翠勸自己嘅父親唔好支持呢一次展覽。第二，孚翠亦都超級忙碌，幾乎每隔一日都努力揾工：申請職位、參加招聘員工嘅活動、進行面試等等。第三，有好多老友都想同離開香港已經有四年多嘅孚翠見見面，一齊緬懷學生時代嘅往事。

其實，唔少當年嘅中學朋友都覺得孚翠長居斯堪的納維亞嘅體驗頗為傳奇，聽佢講吓幾個北歐故仔，描述有關瑞典金髮碧眼嘅男女、或者廣闊無垠嘅樺樹森林、甚至漫長冬天嘅冰天雪地，佢哋無一例外總會覺得不可思議，難以想像。不過，講著講著就好快講完，有關瑞典嘅新奇體驗畢竟係有限嘅。此時此刻嘅香港慢慢變得酷熱啲、潮濕啲。況且無論新鮮嘅夢境如何有趣，嗰種無形嘅生活壓力都難以得到半點嘅緩解。另外，孚翠越來越清晰咁意識到，佢原來一早就喪失咗接受呢類生活壓力嘅能耐，同老友比起嚟，佢已經處於一種唔太有利嘅位置。佢今後可唔可以逐漸適應？

領悟到呢一點，孚翠嘅自信心當然受到好大嘅打擊。開頭嘅擔心好快變成憂慮，然後又由憂慮發展成恐懼。為咗對付情緒上嘅負面轉變，佢就開始求救於飲酒。同朋友見面時，就自然同佢哋一齊飲幾杯，但是飲完呢「幾杯」之後，又會有另一輪「幾杯」，甚至乎朋友都走嗮之後，佢會留低自己一個人再飲落去，令到恐懼嘅感覺暫時遠離佢。佢母親返到屋企亦都鐘意飲杯酒，如果孚翠喺度嘅話，佢總會自然而然咁陪母親飲，藉此恢復同阿綠割斷多年嘅連繫。阿綠一開始時好歡迎如此嘅機緣，但係佢好快就擔心孚翠：對於佢嚟講，飲酒已經唔單止係減壓嘅手段。佢下定決心要多啲關注自己嘅女兒，展覽辦完之後，一定要抽多啲時間同佢多多傾計。

一個禮拜六嘅晚上，呢次紀念展覽開幕日子終於嚟到，阿綠所作出嘅辛苦努力畢竟都係好值得：佢認識嘅親戚、朋友、同事都特登光臨，令到場面變得零舍熱鬧。另外亦有唔少藝術界人仕參加，令會場增添幾份藝術氣氛。陳之一特別注意到一個身穿黑色T裇嘅女人，上面只印有一個大型問號，兩隻耳朵都掛上問號形式嘅耳環，見到呢三個搶眼嘅「？」，佢覺得非常之恰當，問問題應該係做人最為基本嘅態度、人生觀，因為我哋唔知嘅嘢永遠多過已經掌握嘅知識。另外，陳之一終於認識到阿綠嘅女兒，同佢一面飲香檳一面閑談。為咗打破隔膜，陳之一描敘一件令佢驚奇嘅活動，舊年十二月，佢喺沙田舉辦嘅瑞典冬日嘉年華，嗰日竟然可以飲到瑞典人嘅至愛 – 一種香甜嘅熱紅酒，味道仲相當唔錯，講到呢到，即刻為陳之一嘅陰沈情緒帶嚟一啲北歐特有嘅娛樂。聽佢講嘢嘅時候，靳孚翠一直保持某種相當有禮貌嘅距離，好少自動開口搭咀，耐唔耐趁陳之一分散注意嘅時候，佢就摸吓口袋入便嘅火柴盒令自己放鬆啲。不過，陳之一係注意到嘅，亦覺得如此嘅習慣非常之有意義。其實，佢好似略略明白阿綠嘅女兒點解咁樣做。

趁下一次見到呢種偷偷摸摸嘅動作時，陳之一就細聲對孚翠講：「好呀，你口袋裏面裝有一個森林！」

聽到男人嘅呢句說話，孚翠嘅面色變得頗為驚訝，跟住就粒聲都唔出咁行開要多一杯酒。陳之一喺佢背後低聲再重復一次：「一片美麗嘅、個人嘅細小森林。」之後，佢就無奈咁搖搖頭，唔知點算咁一個人企定定。

好好彩，啱啱去到呢一刻，阿綠就開始用隻餐叉敲起手上個玻璃杯，金屬打上玻璃嘅尖厲聲音，好快就令到在場所有來賓逐漸安靜。

阿綠嘅演講其實好短，內容唔多，除咗嗰啲應有嘅客套說話之外，最核心嘅部分涉及佢評估母親嘅藝術特質所在：

我母親好似好明白呢一點。喺佢每一幅畫入面，人旁邊亦都有神，而神隔離亦都有人，咁樣具體表現佢呢一種「神人共樂」嘅藝術理念。

另外，我母親仲好明確咁意識到神間同人間所相遇嘅地方就係地球，就係大自然界裏面。因此，除咗神同埋人之外，佢每幅畫都有一部份描畫香港自然環境嘅細節，呢啲細節雖然通常係微不足道，甚至有可能被一般人忽略，但係我諗我阿媽嘅目的就係提醒我哋記住呢一個事實：大自然可以被理解為一個連接嘅空間，而只有呢一個既特別又美麗嘅空間，人類先至有機會同神共樂，如果冇嘅話啦，噉我哋就永遠冇可能接觸到嗰種超越人間嘅神聖威力。

好啦，我或許已經講得太多啦！我母親生前唔鐘意聽演講，其實睇睇佢啲畫勝過任何試圖解釋佢作品既說話。再次為大家嘅蒞臨表示忠心感激！我宣布母親既展覽會正式開幕！

當然，阿綠喺演講裏面仲提到嗰位匿名嘅捐錢者，而為此向佢表達衷心感激。講到呢段話，佢忽然注意到孚翠用心聆聽嘅表情。

聽完演講後，大家便繼續欣賞展出嘅畫同埋照片。氣氛真係相當熱鬧，唔少本來懷疑阿綠母親藝術天分嘅人，竟然開始鐘意佢創造出嚟嘅視覺美。有人居然問有冇得買？不過，喺一片說說笑笑喧囂之中，同時略略可以聽到兩把女人聲音，佢哋講嘢速度特別快，好似愈演愈烈，係咪有人喺度激烈咁嗌緊交呀？然後，就發生一陣掙扎，呢兩個人正喺推推擠擠，好似係其中一方用力推，另一方就用力抵抗。跟住，又有一段嗌交聲，同之前比起嚟音量更加大，有啲單詞可以聽得分外清楚，譬如「飲醉」、「收聲」、「唔好」、「頂唔順」、「定啲嚟」、「我求求你呀」等等。然後出現一片怪異嘅寂靜，雖然已經冇咗呢兩把聲，但係呢類無聲嘅對峙狀態真係好恐怖，好似係一次炸彈爆炸前夕嘅靜寧，令到周圍嘅人感覺冇法繼續傾計。爆炸好快就到喇，引發呢個炸彈就係一句高銳嘅尖叫聲「我憎死你」。隨後就好似有人將硬物掟向幅牆度。最後有兩陣零舍刺耳嘅爆裂聲，第一次係玻璃杯打埋牆上所發出嘅，第二次嘅就係阿綠母親嘅自畫像猛然由幅牆上滑落嚟，收尾攪到阿綠嚇嚫，雙膝跪在地上痛哭流淚。

Photograph: 香港沙田排頭：藍氏家祠  Laam Family Ancestral Shrine in Pai Tau, Sha Tin, Hong Kong (2017)